Dating at this age is complicated, new and evolving. Many people may crush in private, but there are many who seem to have found a connection with someone. Nobody knows the bond you share with you partner, and nobody should, that is an intimate understanding between you and your mate. We cannot predict why certain couples end up together and why others don’t. Relationships don’t need to make sense to us, as long as they make sense to the people involved. True chemistry is indefinable, and if you have it, you will know that it is not explainable. Regardless of what you share with your partner, there are some core things that every person needs from their partner in a relationship.
It is important that you and your partner value the same things.
In no particular order, here are ten things to consider about your relationship:
1.Communication
This is a very important in any relationship. Solid communication is the glue that keeps even the best of friendships together. Honesty is always the most important thing to utilize in a relationship. If you are keeping matters from your partner, suppressing things or speaking lies to them–you are being dishonest. If you feel like you can’t open up to your partner or talk about what is on your mind, this is a problem. If you are constantly shouting at them, or often sitting together in silence, you are not communicating effectively. In these cases, you have to ask yourself, is your partner really your best friend that you tell everything to? You should never be afraid to talk to your partner. Or would you prefer not to be this intimate with your partner, and save that kind of emotional closeness for a friend? We relate to people in different ways for different reasons, regardless, your ability to talk other openly and honestly and emotionally will only ensure that your partner is the one long-term.
2. Attraction
This means that you and your partner value each other from the inside out. There is a mental attraction as well as a physical one. Relationships can easily lose their flame once things become more stable and serious, but it is important that you and your partner keep the attraction strong. If you find yourself constantly emotionally flirting with other people this is a bad sign. This can mean something so simple as talking to old love interests from the past. This behavior indicates that you are not getting enough attention or the type of attention that you want in your current relationship, and therefore are seeking it elsewhere. Some of the worst types of betrayals are mental and emotional ones. All in all, if you aren’t into each other, in some regard, this should be a concern.
Opposition in relationships can be healthy.
3. Harmony
This will be something you struggle for and it will not always be easy, but harmony should be the goal. Whether you’re bickering over what to watch on Netflix or what to do on Friday night, sometimes there are literally just too many cooks in the kitchen. Most of the time, there can be only one chef. You have to find a way to cook together that satisfies you both. This is not to say it’s impossible for couples to work together. It is possible, and if you are capable of this then this is an excellent sign. Power is always a struggle. Some people want to do it “this way” while others want to do it “that way”–and sometimes people can’t meet in the middle. Some people have to be in control and have things their way. In the end, true love figures it out and resides in a place of harmony. Fighting is normal. It is healthy, but it shouldn’t be a constant matter. We only fight with the people we love. We don’t waste that kind of energy on just anyone. The interest in each other should also be equal, having too much power in a relationship is never a good thing. Even if there is a person who tends to lead more. Love should always be and feel like a two-way street.
4. Equality
Equality stems from harmony as it ensures that everyone feels content. You need to know that while you require to get your needs met, so does your partner. Everyone wants to feel OK. It is important that you express kind and encouraging words to your partner. If they are dong a good job, tell them so. Tell them that you love them or that they look nice. Remember, you both have life and school stress, you both have things on your agenda, and you both need the support of each other to ensure that your needs are met. Try to work as a team. Healthy competition is good, as long as your end goal is to benefit both yourself and your partner. Sometimes you will have to be strong for your partner and vice versa. Sometimes you will have to sacrifice your own happiness for theirs, but it all balances out, if you have equality. The beauty of equality is that it compliments the function of unconditional love, in knowing that this person will always there for you.
Caring for someone and loving them is number one.
5. Honesty
The key to all arguments ending successfully in peace is usually honesty. Everyone has secrets, and things they keep to themselves, this is natural. There is no law that we have to tell each other everything, but it’s better if you can be as honest as possible. Not to say that you have to talk openly and intimately about lovers from your past, but, that yes, you should admit it, you did ditch class. No he/she doesn’t like it, but if they love you, they will accept it, and appreciate the honesty. Plain and simple. Even if you never stop skipping class, you will be kept around because you are loved, and with the right person who accepts you despite of your vices. It’s typical of people to be like “ssh don’t tell my boyfriend” because nobody wants to get in trouble with their significant other. I do think you’ll do better as a couple if you are open about each other’s vices. Being honest in general is a good idea. Don’t do things just because, don’t pretend you’re fine when you are not. Boys are not mind readers, they will apologize to you, you just need to tell them what for. Communicate. Don’t let things build up because one day, over something small, you will lose control and it won’t be worth it. You will regret it. Pick your battles, always, but know when you need to say something, otherwise it will only come back to haunt you. It is always better to speak the truth, because that’s what’s going to keep you feeling good in your relationships, lies only cause anxiety.
6. Loyalty
Loyalty is not the opposite of jealousy, but it is an extension of trust. Loyalty, doesn’t mean that you can’t have friends of the opposite sex. It just means that you can’t cross the line with them. You can’t be afraid to love again if you lose love, even if it feels like there could be no one else. There is, you are so young and the moment you are ready to open up to love again that person will come along. You have to know that you deserve loyalty from your partner, and that they should in turn have your back. Being loyal comes in all kinds of shapes and forms, for some it is the loyalty to take care of the other when they are sick, for others it’s not flirting with your friends. Loyalty is like trust, without it, you can’t build a true and solid relationship.
Ensure that you are geting the things you need in your relationship.
7. Laughter
This is an important one if you plan to grow old together. As a couple, you need to be making a lifetime of inside jokes. Jokes that only you two would understand. You need to know how to make each other laugh, even in the middle of an argument. If you can’t laugh with your partner than you are truly missing out. Arguably, you likely are not with the right person if you don’t find yourself laughing with them. Unless dealing with unique circumstances, in which laughing seems inappropriate, having laughter in your relationship is a huge benefit. Laughter and love are the best medicines and they go hand and hand. You need to be able to cheer your partner up. It is important to make each other laugh and smile as much as possible.
8.Chemistry
This can only be described as that indescribable feeling that gives you butterflies. It’s that feeling that you simply have no words for. At times, it can make your heart race. This person just gets you on every level. To the point, where simply the thought of them can render a smile. You feel a connection with this person and it is unlike any other. They just jive with you. You vibe so well with this person, and share an unspoken bond of quality and greatness in your relationship that makes it totally unique. Nobody else has to understand it. Chemistry also means that you are comfortable with this person. You can be at your worst and at your best around this person, and they still love you. This goes for appearances too. If you feel the constant need to be made up for your partner then this could be a concern. Being loved, accepted and desired for who you are naturally is key.
9. Opposition
This doesn’t mean you will be opposing energies, but rather that you will challenge each other. This person will make you want to be a better person and provide you with an alternative way of looking at things. They might introduce you to new things that you love, and could do together. Or you may establish activates that you like to do on your own or just with your friends. Having opposition is good because it is like having two powerful minds working together than other. It is okay if one partner is more dominant as some people are more submissive by nature. People need a different way of looking at things and it’s good to learn from your partner–it’s good to push them every once in awhile. As one guy put it, when speaking of his girlfriend, “she makes me better because she challenges me.” She helps drive him to be the best that he can be in many capacities. A partner who won’t let you lose fight is a partner who truly loves you. A good partner will want to see you succeed.
10. Love
This is the magical glue that holds it all together. You do not have to explain that you love someone, you just have to know in your heart that you do. Everyone needs to feel love in their relationship. This is not something you should ever question. Though some people may be too young to express it or say the words. Physically, mentally, verbally–love or affection needs to be felt on all levels. Kind words needs to be spoken and expressed. If you lack this with your partner, you should ask why. If this is your choice to refrain from sharing your feelings, then by all mean, this is fine, but love shows itself to others, even if you are not at at a place in your life to recognize it.
Love means loyalty, laughter, chemistry and communication.
Are you able to check off all ten of these things? I’m sure that no one is, but in a perfect world it would be nice to know you have the core of these elements in your relationship. If you are having doubts, that is perfectly normal. You are so young and will likely have multiple relationships in your life. If you are going to date at this age, make sure you are satisfied on every level. A lot of people are together, and a lot of people are happy, but sadly not all of this discovered love will last. We don’t live in a world where everything is forever, but some things will last for as long as they possibly can, and some things won’t. Sometimes you are shaken to your core by a kind of love or a particular crush that if you look for it, you will see it all the time. Every situation is different. If you have time to take a good look, I’m pretty certain you will see that true love is all around you.
Have Your Say
Do you agree that these ten things are important? What would you say are your top three priorities in a relationship?
