Dear Dish-It Gives Advice on Breaking Up

Breaking up can be hard to do, regardless if you are the person doing the breaking up or if you are the person being broken up with. It is never easy. This week on Dear Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday”, we are going to cover questions regarding romantic break-ups. We understand that many of you have broken up with friends, and we will write a piece focusing on that in our next friendship issue. Giving advice around breakups is tough because it usually requires time and space to get over someone. Even if so, Dear Dish-It is going to provide you with some tips on how to move on with a healthy spirit.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

 

Question by paigenicole

If a guy says we need to take a break does that mean break up or just not talking for a while?

Insight/Advice:

Generally, “a break” means this person needs time to think about and process the relationship. Whatever they are experiencing might be too much for them right now, or they are noticing something about the relationship that needs work. Yes, “breaks” can lead to breakups, but they can also lead to reconciliation. What this person needs from you is time and space. Don’t call, text, or demand for his attention, just play it cool and give him the space that he needs. When he is ready, he will come around. In time, you will get your answer, but be patient because matters of the heart are fragile, especially at this age. It isn’t easy to let someone in, and at times it can feel scary so try not to put any pressure on this person and let them make up their own mind. If this person takes too long by your standards and you feel over it, you can end the relationship or check in with him, perhaps be honest and say that you just wanted to see how he was doing. Be mindful of how he treats you at this time, and pay attention to little clues. If this guy meant to break it off for good with you but didn’t have the ability to say it, you will know. Learn that this is not a very appropriate way to end things with someone. You need to communicate honestly and directly, even if someone gets their feelings hurt, the truth is always the right solution.

Question by Heartbroken

My boyfriend dumped me out of the blue how I get over the breakup???????????????????????????????????????????

Insight/Advice:

I’m sorry to hear this was out of the blue. In the adult world, we might ask for clarification. I would make it clear to this boy that you are not trying to get back together with him, but would just like the honest reason as to why he did so out of the blue. Did he get scared? Did he change his mind about wanting a girlfriend? You have every right to know. He does owe you an explanation, but sadly when it comes to this stuff we don’t always get one. Sometimes people ignore us because they don’t know what to say, don't want to hurt us, and can’t handle our emotions. If I was you, I would decide that I didn’t want to be with anybody who didn’t want to be with me. I would rise high and act confidently because this boy will see what he is missing-- if he has any feelings for you. Regardless, try not to make your life about him. Remove him from your social media networks, don’t talk badly about him to others, and be as classy as you can be. This boy might get a bad reputation if he continues to do this with girls, but it’s not your job to spread this around. At the right time, try messaging this boy and see what he has to say. Give him space and try not to think about him. In time, you will get over him and you will like someone new. I understand how hard it can be to get rejected and not know why. Perhaps you need to do some reflecting on the relationship and see if it was all good, and work to give yourself closure. Sometimes we don’t see what’s really there, and it could just be that this boy isn’t right for you. No matter what it turns out to be, never like someone when they don’t like you. This is something you can’t force, just like you can’t force people to teach you a certain way, but they say you teach people how to treat you, so it’s up to you how you take this boy’s reaction. Whether you react at all is entirely up to you so I suggest you figure out what’s best in the long run and stick with that. Read the Afterthoughts at the end of this article for more tips on moving past the situation.

Question by janick

I have a lover but anytime we ready to kiss he says no, can I break up with him? yes or no? Help me out on this case.

Advice/Insight:

If you are unhappy with how the relationship is going you could try talking to your partner, but if that still doesn’t change anything you have every right to end things. Let this person know that you have different relationship expectations and aren’t happy with how things are going. Use whatever words feel right and natural to you, but be honest and sensitive to their feelings. You can always break up with someone if you are unhappy and it is better that you do because why stay in something that doesn’t feel right? Why lead someone one? That's only going to cause a greater problem!

Question by lonely girl

Ok so this boy on here asked me out, I said yes, but I wanna date someone I know, so how should I break up easily? I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Advice/Insight:

You’ve got to be open and honest with this boy and let him know how you feel. Tell him you are very flattered, but don’t really feel safe meeting boys online and would rather know them in person. You can say this to him in a way that it doesn’t hurt his feelings, but highlighting that this is your personal preference, but it is nothing personal and merely a safety concern. Telling the truth is the easy way because it doesn’t leave people guessing. People can tell when you are ignoring them suddenly or hiding behind “a line”, and Dear Dish-It isn’t here to promote playing mind games with people. Be kind, but be honest, if he can’t respect you for that, it’s not your problem. He was not worth your time anyway, 

Question by SecretSquirell XD

OK. so my ex said after the breakup that they never loved me, [that he] only felt bad for me and said [he] only wanted me to be happy! What does that mean? Please Help me! I am having mixed emotions because I sometimes think that he likes me or he doesn't. I don't know. I am hurting about this, please.Thanks.

Insight/Advice:

That is a really hurtful thing to hear from someone you thought loved you. Sometimes people say things to hurt us, but also to redeem their power. This guy is letting you know that he wasn’t as invested as he says he was, and that he feels he dated you for the wrong reasons. Dear Dish-It, wouldn’t let this guy have so much power over me. I would let him know that I am happy, especially now that I know the truth, I don’t have to waste another second on you. Mixed emotions are tough, but you have to use your wise mind, this is the mind that has excellent advice for others in the same situation, picks the best option and feels completely good about their reaction. Wise mind could tell you a lot of things like you don’t deserve to be treated this way, and that no boy controls your happiness no matter how great he is. You need to be in a place where you are okay with yourself and not feeling down about this guy who dismissed you. Remember that people say things for the sake of their ego, which they don’t mean. Give this guy time and space and you might get your answers, either way, don’t be concerned with whether or not he likes you. Try to accept what he said and realize that you can do and find better. Someone who doesn’t leave you, and who doesn’t take their love back. Why does he feel bad for you? If there are greater issues at stake, don’t hide behind boys, deal with them. Get happy for you, be happy for you, and try not to let others have such an affect on you. It might be hard to imagine now, but there will be other guys and better guys who don’t put you down or make you feel confused.

Question by broken heart

Whenever I breakup with a guy I blow it off like its no big deal, but recently my boyfriend broke up with me via text and I took it pretty bad. I've only told my close friends who constantly ask me if I feel better about the whole thing. I tell them I'm fine, but I'm really not. my EX's best friend is my best guy friend, and we hang out a lot, but so does he and my EX. Plus, school is starting so I will be seeing him every day, and when I think about him I burst into tears. what will happen if I SEE him every day!? PLZ DISH-IT....... HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Insight/Advice:

A wise soul once told me that there will always be people that I don’t like or feel uncomfortable around. When you go to a big event and you see these people, avoid them. Focus on the people who are your friends and want to see you. In time, anything can blow over, especially if you share a mutual friend who has your back. Breakups feel like the worst when we really liked the other person, and it’s perfectly fine that you don’t feel alright. Just give it enough time for things to change because they will. Who knows? Maybe your EX wants to be friends? Make sure you are ready for that if that is the case, and try not to have any anterior motives. It’s not to say that it won’t be uncomfortable for a bit, but as time passes you will adjust and feel like yourself again.

Afterthoughts

Nobody handles rejection well, it hurts, it stings and it can last forever. Early age breakups are tough especially because you aren't used to them, but as you get older you will learn the right standards for breaking up with someone. This doesn’t make it easy, just because someone doesn’t want to be with you anymore it doesn’t mean they don’t care about your feelings. Breakup pain is consuming at any age.

How Do You Make It Stop? 

(Keep in mind these are tips but no means solutions)

• Write a letter. Put everything you want to say to him/her, all your inner thought and personal feelings in it. Never send it. Keep writing to yourself as a form of therapy. You might think they "needs to hear it" but in truth those thoughts and feelings are yours. They don’t need to hear them.
• If this doesn't work or you’re not much of a writer, talk to yourself. Some people write poems, prose or even song lyrics - this works. I've even heard of people tape recording themselves and playing it back later – this is a way to own your feelings and remind yourself of the facts
• Focus on the facts regarding the breakup, don't try to interpret them
• Try to do stuff for yourself that makes you feel good, like joining an acting class, or a co-ed sports team
• Stay active and busy your mind with other things, sometimes you can channel the negative energy you are feeling into something positive
• Spend time with people who know you well and won't judge your frowning face but at the same time people who cheer you up and make you laugh
• If you’ve had boyfriends/girlfriends before, remind yourself of the last guy or girl you thought you'd never get over. Did you get over them right? Well, if so, that's concrete evidence that you will get over this guy/girl as well. 
• Make sure his/her number is not in your phone or saved in some secret place your friends can’t find
• Make a pros and cons list to remind yourself of why it didn't work. There is likely a 'deal breaker' in there, which indicates the fall out like "he never called", "I don't trust him”, or "she always canceled on plans."

&

Remember if you could meet a person who matches more of your 'wants' is it really worth staying with someone who meets your deal breakers? Remind yourself there is nothing wrong with being single, and that in time you will meet someone who is right for you! 

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Do you agree breakups heal over time? What’s your advice for getting over somebody?