Problems with loved ones bring us a lot of stress. When things are not okay with the people who count, it can be very damaging to you. Sometimes we need something to change, sometimes we need a lot of things to change, and sometimes we just need closure from the things and people who have hurt us. Today on Dear Dish-It’s “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday”, we are going to look at issues with interpersonal relationships, with a focus on family and friends.
Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:
Don't Think That You Have To Suffer Alone.
Question by In Mourning
Dear Dish-it, my best friend killed himself in February of this year, and I never got to tell him I fell in love with him (yeah, cheesy, I know). What's more, even the tiniest memory of us sends me into an ocean's worth of sobbing, which embarrasses me to no end. How do I stop myself from embarrassing myself every time a memory of him comes up?
Insight/Advice:
There is nothing cheesy or embarrassing about any of this. In fact, it is tragic, and I am very sorry for your loss. What you’re experiencing is grief, and it is 100% normal, but you need support and shouldn’t have to grieve alone or in silence. You don’t have to stop yourself from doing anything. All your reactions are normal, just don’t feel like you have to hurt alone. Reach out to others, talk to your counselor, depending on where you live there are grief groups and grief coaches there to help. There are also online platforms built to help you overcome grief. You're not alone in how you feel, so don't beat yourself up, there is a lot of support out there. Sounds like you are really struggling because you didn't get closure with your friend, but there are trained professionals who will help you get there.
Question by Clockwork
My grandma’s boyfriend is always yelling at me. How do keep my happiness when everyday I get yelled at for nothing? what do I do? need help.
Insight/Advice:
Yelling is an abusive behavior, which he needs to stop and which you do not need to be around. Does he say rude and hurtful things? I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this, it can't be good for your self-esteem, but just know that you are in the right and he is in the wrong. I would try and tell someone as soon as possible. If nothing changes, I would express that you don’t want to be around them. Why put yourself in a negative place? You need to protect yourself.Tell your parents what is going on, your safety is number one in this situation.
Do What You Can to Resolve Matters With The People Who Matter.
Question by That Kid
Okay.. So I recently found out that my uncle left. Not like on a vacation, he just packed up and left. He left because he doesn't want a family anymore. And I think it might also be because my mom and aunt (his "ex" wife) were into it REALLY bad. My whole family is constantly at each other’s throats. My sisters are constantly arguing, my mom ignores us, and my grandparents are constantly complaining about each other. This is driving me crazy. I just want my family back, but I'm just a kid so I can't do anything. Please help me ASAP. I'd really appreciate it, thanks
Insight/Advice:
Sounds like a whole lot of chaos that you can't wrap your head around. Unfortunately, we cannot control what others do. We can tell them how we feel and hope for change, but we have no control over how they are going to be towards us. What you can control is you, and when things get really hectic, find a safe space that you can be in. Try to get away from all the yelling because it is having a negative impact on you. Try to protect yourself from what’s affecting you in such a negative way. In a perfect world, we all get along, but that’s not the reality, just as long as you know that none of this is your fault and that it is not up to you to fix it all. All you can do is plant seeds and hope that your family listens. No chance of getting out a group family message? If they knew how bad it is affecting you then maybe they would try to work on it? Also, consider these fives things you can do to build a happier life for yourself.
Pick The Right Time to Talk About Matters.
Question by nerd-with-heart
I fell like a worthless loser. I am always slipping up, and I feel like I can't do anything right. Because I let someone help me do something wrong, I got her in trouble. I sometimes wish I was someone else, then maybe I could do the right thing. Even though I'm targeted in my class for my headscarf, it still doesn't fell half as bad as I feel when I tell my mom another one of my mistakes. I know that I am too lucky to complain, but between my dad (who scares and threatens me) to school, to my sense that I'm not doing what I have to, too the times I feel like I'm a stupid, self-centered, disappointment. Since I started feeling like this, my grades have dropped, making it worse. One time it got so bad at home that when my dad told me to leave, I took my packed backpack and left. I only came back because my mom was at work, and devastating her like that wasn't worth it. How do I fix myself?
Insight/Advice:
Firstly, you are not a worthless loser, don't ever put yourself down like that! It sounds to Dear Dish-It that you are very unhappy. School can be a tough place to achieve especially when you’re facing so much family pressure. I feel like the relationship with your dad needs improvement and that he puts too much pressure on you. He makes you fear him, and this is not healthy for you. You have to find ways for you to be happy despite what is around you. You need to fight for your existence. If they laugh at you because of your scarf, let it strengthen you. Don’t let people get you down, be wiser than them, expect them to act poorly and have a better disposition about it all.You'll eventually pull through, as long as you remain true to yourself and the goodness that is in your heart.
Question by Bugaboo
Who do I go to if my 9-year-old cousin is hitting me and trying to hurt me when my parents won't listen to me or do anything about it?
Insight/Advice:
You need to talk to someone who will listen to you as soon as possible. Go outside your family, go to your school, do whatever you have to do get heard and acknowledged. In the meantime, don’t spend time with him, tell your mom that she can refuse to believe you, but she can’t make you spend time with him when he is this way. You need to protect your safety and spend time with people who make you feel safe and secure. Abuse is never okay, at any age and you shouldn't have to be subjected to it.
It Hurts Us When The People We Value Most Turn On Us.
Afterthoughts
It is so important that we are getting properly treated by the people who are supposed to care about us. Nothing is more wrong or more hurtful than a loved one trying to hurt you. The people who matter the most should make you feel cherished and safe. You should feel confident about their love and not afraid of it. Love doesn’t mean that you live in fear, but loving yourself means you refuse to subject yourself to the darkness and do what you can to avoid these aspects of your life. Instead, you are going to try to focus on what and who is making you happy. You are going to focus on the good because that’s what we value the most in life. Just remember that everybody changes and so does everything, so even if things seem a certain way for now, it doesn’t mean they always will be that way. You can change how you experience simply by changing how you feel about it. You will be the most effective when you are plotting ways to improve your life and keep yourself away from risk. Want to learn about an easy tool that can help you, check out our article on “wise mind”, and see if it brings you any additional insight.
In a Perfect World We Would Always Be Happy and Get Along With Everyone.
Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!
Have Your Say
How can you make sure that your relationships are safe? What kinds of things matter to you in a relationship?
