All Things Friendship: Relationship Advice from Dear Dish-It

Relationship are a big part of our lives. When things aren’t going right with the people we care about we can become distracted and feel uneasy. Fighting with people is hard, but also learning our limits and boundaries with people. Today’s Dear Dish-It, “Let’s Talk About It Tuesday” is about all things friendship. It is a wonderful thing if you are able to get along with someone in harmony because that is the goal. It’s okay to be honest, as long as you are not hurting anyone’s feelings, but you should be constantly at battle with someone. Trust is important and if a person has proven to be untrustworthy that can be hard. Friends don’t “scold” each other, they look out for one another and tell each other the truth, but friends do not bully us, use us or put us down. A good friend doesn’t hang out with you out of convenience or when it works for them. A good friend enjoys your company, sees your strengths and wants you around. They will not compete with you, but instead be happy for you when you win. Making, maintaining and keeping friendships can be hard, but with self respect and self value you are bound to attract someone who truly understands you and will treat you like you deserve.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Question by confused

My best friends don't like each other and its a struggle to keep up with them. One of them doesn't talk to the other. The other one purposely makes her mad and calls her names. They want me to team up with them to keep one mad. All they do is fight over me. Please help! -From Confused

Insight/Advice:

I’m really sorry to hear that you are going through this. I’m sure you’ve tried everything in order for them to be peaceful with each other. You have to decide what is best for you, as always, but if I were in this situation I would make it very clear to both friends that I don’t plan on turning my backs on either of them. Make it very clear that you care for them both and want to set aside time to enjoy with each of them, but that you want to do it peacefully. If your friends can’t respect this and continue to act this way, you might have to take a break from them until they come to their senses. What’s important is that you are okay, because it sounds like it is very hard to enjoy either one of your friends. You need to enforce some changes and set down some ground rules so that everyone can be happy. Nobody is benefiting from any of this fighting, and eventually, everyone is going to be angry. In life, it is very common to have friends that don’t get along. Unfortunately, your situation is challenged by the reality that you go to school with these people and see them every day, but in the real world people just see their friends on different days. Make it clear that you want to spend time with both of them, but they have to stop fighting because that is making hanging out really hard.

Question by NeedHelp202

Question: Can u tell me or give me tips on making friends?

Insight/Advice: 

We never know when we will find our true friendships in life, but sometimes we have to wait for them. I suggest being your true self and attracting people who are on the same page as you. There are lots of things that you could do to try and make a friend, but every person you meet is different and therefore some of these suggestions won’t always work, but you should never give up on trying and you should always be a friendly person. Here's one suggestion that I have straight off the bat, try to be a little more outgoing. Talk to people, ask someone a question or pay someone a compliment. Being vocal will remind people that you are here, but also give them a dose of your personality. Other things you could try to make friends:

• Join a school sports team or club
• Join an outside of school sports team or club
• Invite someone somewhere or ask to hang out with someone (there is no harm in asking even if people say no, it’s good you gave it a shot)
• Sit somewhere different at lunch and see what happens
• Do activates that you enjoy and see who wants to join in
• Go to a school event and talk to people there
• Attend a school or community dance
• Take part in a school play or theater production
• Get involved with student council and student affairs
• Go to new places like the library and try to meet new people
• Go to the park and try to join in with an activity

These are only a few suggestions, but there are many, many more. The truth is you never know when you are going to meet someone. Anticipation is the best thing about life because you never know what is going to happen next. Things change all the time. Sometimes you luck out and your new best friend happens to be the girl/guy who got kicked out of school and had to transfer to yours. It seems impossible, with low odds, but it’s true, at any time you can meet a friend so be patient and know that people make friends throughout their lives (at different times) so if you aren’t making a ton of friends now, it doesn’t mean that you won’t be in the future.

Question by ConfusedCasie

So, My Best Friend was moved to the other class which was real impacting to us because we WERE inseparable. Then, now at recess, she always hangs with another girl but we still talk...I want to take all the time we have to be together and share laughs...What do I do Dish-It?

Insight/Advice: 

I don’t want to Dish-It to you straight, but I have to. In life, we cannot be “inseparable” with anyone. You have your variety of relationships and you see them all differently. Your friend has made a new bond and one day, you will too, but this doesn’t mean that your friend cares about you any less. It can be hard because you want her all to yourself, but it can’t be this way. You need to grow independently of your friend and discover things for yourself. You might find that you too want to extend friendship to another person. Anything is possible, so you have to try as hard as you can to accept this new friend without jealousy and try your hardest to be happy about her new friend. Who knows? Maybe one day all three of you can hang out because being inclusive is a great thing, but if your best friend wants to keep this friend to themselves then you have to respect it. Try to shift your mind onto other things, things that make you happy and feel good about yourself. Try not to dwell on this reality, even though it hurts, in time, it will get better. Things are constantly changing so try to keep your head up and your heart open, you never know what is coming your way.

Question by Crazy girl

I really want to make more friends, but the problem is that I don't trust anyone. In the past friends have blabbed my secrets to the entire school and I don't know who to trust. I can be weird and crazy but I can be fun and I am a good friend. I think people don't really know how to talk to me because they think I'm weird. Anyway, How can I build my trust in people and make more friends? Please help.

Insight/Advice: 

Firstly, you are NOT weird so don’t put yourself down. Though, I will say that being “weird” isn’t always a bad thing. Have you ever heard the expression, “the weirder the better.” There is nothing wrong with being different. Sounds like you have some trust issues and have learned that you can’t trust everyone. That’s fine, you can play your cards close (keep things to yourself) while still being friendly. People will find it supportive that you listen well and don’t feel the need to take over with talk about you. Hang in there and eventually, you will meet someone you truly trust and you can open up to. I know it might be hard to believe, but just because your trust was broken once it doesn’t mean that this will always happen. Listen to your gut about people and who seems like the right company for you. You’ll find your way just believe in yourself and who you are and don’t be scared to show people what you have to offer.

Afterthoughts

Relationships are not easy, sometimes they take work and the work can be worth it if the people are. True love generally forgives and doesn’t give up. In life, we may have many friends, some that we see one-on-one and some that we hang out with in groups. Some people like to have a lot of friends, while others prefer a close few, and some people prefer to be on their own. Everyone is different. We have to accept that our friends may make other friends and that the dynamic of a relationship can change. You might go from hanging out with someone every day to seeing them a few times a week. As people’s lives evolve and shift, aspects of friendships will change, but one thing remains for certain and that is the love. If you’re feeling lonely just remember the people who love you and remind yourself that no space or distance is going to change that. Friendships don’t always come quickly to everybody so take your time, hang in there, be yourself and be confident and eventually, you will meet the right people. 

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Do you find it hard to make friends? Have any tips on how to make new friends?