Watch Your Words

Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we are going to confront the issue of language and how people would like to be spoken to. Many words are hurtful and therefore it is best to use wise mind when figuring out the best response. Remember wise mind represents the best version of you and this is a great time to practice it. Try to talk to people the way you would like to be spoken to. Mind your manners and lead with kindness. Words are very powerful, and can be quite hurtful. You don't want to put others down so focus on how you can be a positive, loving person who spreads joy upon people. If you think it is cool to swear and name call well it is 100% not. 

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Question by Megan

Question: Lots of girls at my school say really rude things even cuss words about me saying that I ['am] a *** cause I date lots of boys and they all hate me [what] should i do?

Insight/Advice:

You should ignore them. Don't let them get to you. It's bad karma for them for using such words, and do they really know you? They are making a snap judgment on you when it's none of their business. You could try talking to them about how you feel, but it could also be a waste of time. They're not your friends. Focus on the people who do treat you right, and talk to you in a manner that you can respect. 

Question by Chocolateicecream

Question: Dear Dish-It, my family is a mess and unwilling to realize it. We keep fighting with each other and calling each other hurtful words and telling each other exactly how to fix ourselves but don't encourage and support each other. Like when I told my parents I was getting bullied, they called me a stupid doormat and told me I'd forever let people walk over me and steal my things. This is far from the worst thing they've said. They're going to hate me if I call a helpline for my dad because he really does need help but no one wants to make sure he gets help because he's going to put up a fight. When they aren't fighting, they're joking around and taunting each other beyond the limit. I don't take part in this much, but yes, I admit I have said a lot of mean things myself. Mom says it's my choice how I decide to let people's words affect me and I'm old enough to ignore what they say. In other words, no one is going to stop their stupid jokes about anyone else because of the way that person feels. And we're all too busy and unwilling to talk things out. I know they think I'm a hateful person who wouldn't care if any one of them died but I'm more worried for them than I am about my own issues. Please help...

Insight and Advice:

It sounds like your family could really benefit from some family counseling. Would you feel comfortable suggesting this? They shouldn't be calling you down when you come to them for support. They should be there for you and give you advice that will help you deal with the situation. If your dad needs help, you should encourage him to get it. What seems to be his acute problem? Your mom is right though, it might be really hard, but you can try to control how you let other people's words affect you. Make it a personal policy that if the words aren’t nice or kind that you don't have time for them. Set this example towards your family too. Let them know that you will speak to them when they decide to address you with respect and in a nice fashion. I think it is sweet that you are so concerned for your family but you really have to look out for and take care of yourself. You deserve to feel safe and happy in your own environment, and you should be able to talk to your parents about serious concerns. Let them know that you need to be positively reinforced, which means they need to let you know when you're doing a good job. They should never call you stupid let alone a "stupid doormat." It's not your fault that other kids speak rudely to you. This should not be happening and your parents should talk to the school because it is really impacting you in a negative way. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and make you feel good about yourself. Don't worry so much about others, sadly we cannot control others but we CAN control how we react to them. Set the example and maybe the family will follow. 

Question by Sudical

Question: My bf hasn't talked to me in weeks. Also my "friends" call me gross words. What do I do?

Insight/Advice:

Is he really your boyfriend if he hasn't talked to you in weeks? That doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. Communication is one of the most important elements to a solid relationship. Read that entire article highlighted under "communication" and see if your relationship has any of those ten components. Sometimes words hurt, but sometimes no words at all can be even more hurtful. Sometimes getting no message is also a message. Is your boyfriend avoiding you? Like have you tried to reach out and heard nothing back? If so, that is unacceptable. Tell your friends that you do not appreciate those words. If there truly your friends they shouldn’t be calling you names. As I've mentioned, hang out with people who bring out the best in you and treat you like you matter. 

Afterthoughts

The way you talk to people is very important. It may seem cliché, but if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. It is very wrong to bully other kids and teens or call them names. We talked earlier about wise mind and how you can use it to represent the best version of yourself. Put your best face forward. Try to tell people how you feel and do so effectively. Meaning, you don't want to be rude or angry. Mind the way you talk because you are judged by what comes out of your mouth. Don't get cheeky or sassy just be respectful. People might forgive you for what you say, but they may never forget it. 

Helplines & Resources:

• TeenMentalHealth.org
• KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
• Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
• Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
• Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
• Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

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