Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be addressing questions and concerns regarding a variety of issues that come up for kids and teens. We will be addressing the most recent questions. It is my goal to tackle the questions and problems that are happening for you now so please feel free to take advantage and write in to Dear Dish-It.
Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:
It hurts when you feel like the odd man out.
Question by So tired
Question: Dear dish it, I have an elder sister. We don't get along well. She always thought I was spoiled and still does. I sometimes need a little more attention for a reason I don't want to mention and she always used to say that she was being overlooked. We fought a lot when we were kids and I used to cry all the time because she was strong and her slaps hurt. She even has a problem with the way I walk. I'm clumsy and bang into things, but she says that I walk as if I own the whole world. When she came to know about my feelings for a boy who has been especially sweet to me whenever we've talked, she started laughing hysterically, and I knew she would react like that. I told her I like him for the things he's done for me and she couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth. She still sees me as a baby, but the truth is I'm 14. When I tell her to stop taking out her earlier resentment on me and to let the past be the past, she'll just start laughing. This happens whenever I tell her that she is bullying me and needs to stop. She has also thrown things at me and punched me for no reason and she's always interfering in things that concern me that she doesn't know much about. When I get angry and punch pillows to let out the anger, I look at it as a safer way. But she starts lecturing me about it. She blackmails me to get things done and takes my phone to read my conversations with people just to trigger me. When things get too much for me to handle, I just ignore her, and then she'll start feeling hurt because I'm ignoring her and will take things very personally. Lots of people treat me like a responsibility, but she body shames me and always says things that suggest that I can't take care of myself and that I am a burden to others. I never asked for this - I'd rather be independent, but whatever I tell myself I will always need help from people. she says things that trigger me internally. However, I act like I don't hear. Sometimes I can come up with comebacks to her taunts, but when I'm feeling low I just can't say anything and can't handle it at all. There is a limit to how much I can take. I've made a number of decisions in the past that I shouldn't have, and I regretted them later. And so have we all right? But when I talk to my mom about it, my sister will jump into the conversation and start lecturing me, calling me dumb and a few other words that suggest I don't know what I'm doing and don't have a brain. She'll say I should have done this and shouldn't have done that instead of helping me understand how to make the situation better. Lastly, there was a time when I was so depressed I talked about suicide a lot, and she said that when I'm in pain and I'll actually die, then I'll understand how dumb I was being. But she doesn't understand that I had lost the fear of death. Please help me So tired
Insight/Advice:
Firstly, it is important for you to know that suicide is never the answer. When you are feeling this way, you need to talk to someone because it is not the solution. I am sorry that you have been feeling this low. One of the worst things is fighting with a sibling. It sounds like your sister is abusing you and taking her personal frustration out on you. This shouldn’t be happening. Someone needs to step in. Have you shared this with your parents? I almost feel like they need to read this message and learn about the pain you are in and experiencing. Either way, something has got to change. You need to feel safe with your life and in your own home. You should not be getting slapped or blackmailed. Please take the time to work towards solutions for these problems instead of merely “just taking it” because you deserve to be treated right and you deserve to be loved. If you have not done anything to deserve this treatment (and nobody does) then I would seriously consider what you can do to stop this. Take space from her. Don’t give her any of your energy. I think it would be wise to keep your distance and take care of yourself primarily.
When you feel like you don't belong.
Question by Anonymous
Hi, so I have a problem related to fitting in. Back in primary school I used to be best friends with this girl called A. She was in another class and we were both shy but she always seemed to make friends by not doing much. Then when we went to secondary school, there was this girl called B, she knew A from church and they became best friends, I hung out with them a lot and B said that all three of us were best friends although I knew inside my heart that A and B were best friends and they were both in the same class. Then after a year at secondary school I still hadn't made any friends in my class but A and B kept getting closer to C, we all hang out but A, and B don't really care about me anymore and A didn't invite me to her birthday party, I think, we're going to lose our friendship and I still can't make any friends or anyone to hang out with in my class I don't know what's wrong with me.
Insight/Advice:
I wouldn’t be so hard on yourself. If things aren’t feeling right with this group of girls that is okay. You have to listen to your heart. You never know who you are going to meet or who is going to be in your class next year. Don’t read into things too much. If one of the girls says you are all best friends then maybe she really means it. Even if it doesn’t feel that way or you don’t see them as much. Fitting in is never easy, but give it some time, keep your head up and eventually, something will click. It doesn’t sound like anyone is being mean to you or kicking you out of the group, you just need to find your group where you feel confident and comfortable. I know it’s hard, and it might continue to be hard, but it will get easier. Think about how quickly things changed already in your life. They will change again, and things will start to look up.
Fitting in is never easy.
Question by Anonymous
What do you do when you texted a boy you like him but doesn't text back and the next day you see her acts like nothing has happened?
Insight/Advice:
This is something you will have to get used to in life. Sometimes boys ghost on us. Girls do it too. Sometimes getting no message is also a message. If he were interested he probably would have written back or said something the next day, but unfortunately, that didn’t happen. I think this boy is trying to show you that he is not interested, so you should leave him alone. Why waste your time trying to talk to someone who is going to ignore you? You’re better than that, and you have to know it. If someone isn’t serving you, or benefiting your life in any real way, walk away. Focus on the real love that is in your life and not on the one person who didn’t take the time to get to know how awesome you are.
Sometimes it feels like no one gets us.
Afterthoughts
Some problems are harder to deal with than others, but you do have the power to get through whatever is bothering you. You simply can not give up. We have to learn to give things time and see how they unfold. Life is full of ups and downs and we don’t always get what we want. We can pray for things and wish for things, but a lot of the time it’s just about timing and allowing things to occur naturally.
Write into Dear Dish-It and tell us your story.
No one deserves to feel down over another person so remember to keep the right people close to you. Don’t chase after the validation from someone who isn’t going to give it to you. This will only hurt you, and you have to protect yourself and keep yourself safe. People are hard to fit in with sometimes, but you will find your way, you just have to keep believing that you will.
Helplines & Resources:
- TeenMentalHealth.org
- KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
- Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed. 1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll-Free US & Canada).
- Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
- Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
- Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).
Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?
Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!
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