It’s Okay To Have a Crush Just Don’t Let It Crush You

Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be addressing questions and concerns regarding crushes. It’s not always easy to like someone, especially when you don’t know how they feel about you. It’s perfectly healthy to have crushes but don’t let them interfere with your school work or mental health. At this age, people don’t always know what they want. Try not to get your feelings hurt if someone doesn’t feel the same way as you. While it might be hard to grasp initially, there will always be someone else. Speaking from experience, I’ve learned that because you only end up with one person, you’re going to have many interactions that don’t work out. Regardless, we have to believe that we will recover and we can never give up.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Question by a broken heart

Ok so me and my ex were secret dating but then my mom found out and I told him that then I went on his Facebook only to find that he moved on what to do?

Insight/Advice:

Moved on? Like with another girl? I’m sure that hurts you a lot, but if he’s moved on so quickly then that says something about him. Maybe it’s a sign to stop seeing him, especially if you have to do it secretly. Do your parents not allow you to hate? That is another thing, you should respect their wishes. Try talking to him if you need closure, which would be answers that can help you move on.

Question from Anonymous

Hey, I’m 14 years old & I'd describe myself as more of an introvert. I have four friends BY CHOICE & I am the friend that gives advice but can't take my own. 

I dated this boy twice, once in 7th grade, then we began seeing other people, then dated again in 8th grade. We broke up for the same reasons each time which was him not showing enough attention/showing me he cared & not seeing each other due to the simple fact that it was summer & school was out.  I’m not the type to make the same mistake twice because I do learn, but I did give him the benefit of the doubt when dating him a second time because I was feeding into his lies. " I won't leave you again " " I learned from those mistakes " this, that & the third. HE ACTS TOTALLY DIFFERENT OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP VS IN! 

I admit to being a needy girlfriend, but I feel as if he signed up for it/he knew what he was getting into & he should’ve told me how he felt instead of continuing to date me & leave me to assume what he was feeling. when we'd argue I'd feel like I was arguing with myself because he wouldn't even share his feelings but I constantly forgave him for things he didn't apologize for because of how much I liked him. 

We broke up June 2017 & now it is August & I’m still not over him. I have had progress such as not crying as much as I used to, but he’s constantly on my mind. I’ve vented to my best friend, distracted myself by hanging out w family/friends & I have only one source of contact with him which is Snapchat. EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF HIM!! 

I’ve already accepted that I had to let him go because he could not love me even if he wanted to & even if he tried. & I will never know or stop asking myself what it is about me that couldn't have changed him to love me & why he suddenly stopped giving me attention. Honestly, I’m tired, tired of crying, tired of hurting etc. etc. But it just won't stop like when does this end?!

I am very mature for my age, part of me believes I am asking for too much from the boys @ my age. but I refuse to date someone older than me. please help me on what I can do to get over him . & help me understand what the problem is & why I’m still stuck on him? & I'd like for you to explain love to me & how you know when you love someone. 

Sincerely, The fourteen y/o whom is prepared for the love of her life

Insight/Advice: 

I think you are right about being more mature than the average 14-year-old because you are really young and aren’t likely to meet the love of your life. One day, when you are older, you will meet him. It sounds like you know what you want and boys at this age often don’t know what they want. I’m sorry you are not over this boy, but I promise one day you will be. It just takes time. I’m sure it’s difficult when you have such a strong history with this guy, but he’s not able to give you the things you desire. One day you will meet a guy who wants the same things as you do.

Question by Unsure girl

There's a guy and I think... it happened. I always have lots of fun when I'm talking to him and I'm never nervous around him anymore. He treats me in a way that makes me feel he kind of gets me. We aren't really good friends but it's always been nice to him and I get teased because my face blushes really red. But there is this.. lingering glow or something. Is that love? What is it? I think it is. I'm scared. What if he rejects me? I don't think I'll be able to deal. But more importantly, I don't want to lose his friendship because he basically brought me out of the dark hole I'd made for myself and had almost fallen into. He gave me something to look forward to in life. He doesn't know it. Help me. I'm really scared. I've even cried like a small baby when they're afraid of this. (I'd like to be known as unsure girl, by the way, just in case you can see my KW username too.)

Insight/Advice:

I think it’s a chance you have to take, otherwise, you’ll drive yourself crazy. I wouldn’t say it’s love, but I would say it’s a crush. There is always the risk that he will get freaked out and not want to be friends, but that’s the risk you have to take if you want to ask him out. You have to stop being so scared. Either he is going to be into you or he won’t, but it doesn’t matter because one should never let a boy affect her mood. Be confident and handle the situation with confidence. Don’t drive yourself to a bad place.

Afterthoughts

Try to have fun with the opposite sex. Don’t take it so seriously. As I always say, you are young and you have plenty of times for relationships. If you can, try to play it cool. Have fun with it. Don’t let it bring you to the point of tears. I feel like the opposite sex or same sex can be so mind consuming. After all, it’s way more enjoyable to think about your crush than to focus on school. Still, I am going to tell you to focus on school. Romance comes and goes and it comes and goes at the right time. It’s all about letting things develop naturally.

Helplines & Resources: 

• TeenMentalHealth.org
• KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
• Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll Free US & Canada).
• Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
• Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
• Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline)

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

Ever been rejected by a boy or a girl? How did it make you feel? Comment below.