When You Don’t Know What to Do Anymore: Dear Dish-It Gives Advice

Today on Dear Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we will be addressing questions and concerns from kids and teens who are facing a hard time with a situation. The most important thing is to feel safe and wanted and when those things go out the window, we lose sight of what’s important. We begin to blame ourselves and believe the hurtful names we are called. We need to learn to rise above this and get the proper help that we need to live a healthier life.

Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:

Question by imobsessedwithsinging

Dear Dish-It, I have been going through a lot of stress lately with people talking behind my back and yelling at me and all these weird things that I absolutely hate. And going through puberty, having my crush transfer schools, and my grades and all these things I need to focus on. I need some way to just chill and forgive and forget. but I can't really find a way. I need something that I can do so I can relax. Plz, reply!

Insight/Advice:

It sounds like you are experiencing all the stresses that could occur at your age. Going through puberty brings all sorts of stress, but dealing with negative people can really affect your self-esteem. I’m sorry to hear that your crush transferred schools, but in time there will be a new crush, and maybe there is a way that you can still talk if you were doing that before. I was told some advice about other people, which has helped me along the way: “what other people think about you is none of your business.” Let them talk, only you know the truth and it does not matter what they think. Focus on the people who are in your corner and make you feel good about yourself. You deserve that just as much as anyone does. With school, make an effort. It sounds like you care if your grades are down so work harder to ensure that you can get them up. This will help to lower the stress. You say you are looking for a way to “forgive and forget”, well you have to forgive yourself. Only you can decide if you want to let it go. Find the power within yourself to leave it all behind you and move forward towards a more promising future.

Question from Anonymous

Dear-Dish-It, this may be long, but, I am 10 years old, turning 11 in December, and I live with my mom and stepdad. I am being yelled at them every day for a stupid reason (Example: not spending time with my niece when I'm doing something important) and it's stressing. 

I'm being called inappropriate names and being picked on every day at school. I'm RARELY not picked on for one day. I have to make friends online with people I know how to truly trust and I've made two bestest friends I've ever known through YouTube and Google Hangouts. 

I am lesbian, and I have a girlfriend even if I shouldn't, but I love her more than she knows. She and my BFF are the only ones that make me feel better when I'm sad or mad and they allow me to rage and throw my feelings at them and they don't get mad at me for it, which I am thankful for. 

My dad and stepmom, on the other hand, they always get drunk every 3 AM when I'm asleep (sometimes awake) and my stepmom is suffering from a walking disability but she got out of the hospital a week ago but is getting worse again.

 I am developing to be non-social due to most of the kids in my school and I've been in too many fistfights before. 

I haven't told my relatives yet due to trust issues I have with them and I only trust my BFF and girlfriend and other few friends I have. They're being more harder to trust every day and it's getting worse.

I'm starting to try to scratch myself with a sharp knife I have under my pillow because I've been told to go die or kill myself and IT HURTS. The staff at my school ABSOLUTELY DO NOT CARE. They always say to ignore it. Ignoring these mean people is hard to do and I've recently been wanting to just go to bed one night and wake up in a trusted person's house or with God/Jesus. 

My 24-year-old sister has screamed at me that I ruined her life when I was born, screams that I'm dumb, I ruined everything, or something really mean. 

I've been told that I'm stupid/dumb/horrible/gross/ugly/and that I deserve to die. I've been told those things so many times that I believe it. 

I really want to tell my relatives what I'm telling you right now but I'm scared I'm going to be abused or killed or something bad if I do.

I know this is long, I'm sorry for that, but I just need to let out all of this because I need to tell SOMEONE, you know?

I just wish I could fix everything but I always make it worse. 

I guess I am developing anxiety and depression and becoming suicidal or something? I just don't know. Everyone thinks I know everything. 

Insight/Advice:

Firstly, I think it is really important that you seek professional help. These problems are deep-rooted and I don’t have the proper tools to help you, but you need to get some help. It sounds like you are in a very dark place and you can not pull yourself out. You have been verbally abused and are a victim in this situation. No one should wish death upon you or call you hateful names. You need to know that you don’t deserve this and to not believe anything that anyone else you that is negative or meant to hurt you. I’m glad that you let it all out, but what you don’t realize is that you are crying for help. It seems like people have really hurt you with their words. I would try to move on past them oppose to constantly reminding yourself. What you are telling yourself is hurting you, try to focus on more positive things. It does not sound like you have any quality supports at home so you need to talk a grown-up, preferably a Guidance Counsellor at school, or any grown up that you think can help. You’re not living in a healthy environment and it is really getting to you. I fear for your safety, which is why I encourage you to get professional help. You might have to make some changes, but in no way do you have to isolate yourself from everyone. Sounds like you are going through a lot, I really hope that you get the support which you deserve.

Question by Scared637

I have a super awful, super extreme fear of all insects, spiders, and zombies. I've read so many things about dealing with phobias and whatnot. And they all say, "Talk to your friends, family, and a counselor about your fears." But here's the thing: I know that if I talk to a counselor, they'd tell me to talk to my parents about it. When I talk to my friends about my phobias, they suggest talking about it with my parents. Yet when I talk about it with my parents, they get upset with my fear! They don't help me when I need it! I know that it's irrational, but how can I get past something without help? My parents would tell me that I'm bigger and more dangerous than a bee/insect/spider, but that never helps me! It doesn't stop me from being scared later on. What should I do? How can I get help when no one really helps me? How can I get past a fear when no one gives me any useful information? It feels as if everyone has given up on me and my irrational fears that I've had for years.

Insight/Advice:

You should never assume what a counselor will say. They might tell you to keep your parents informed, but they will also help you get past the fears and phobias. There are a lot of different treatments for this kind of sickness and you are not alone. I know you are frustrated, but don’t give on getting help it is out there.

Afterthoughts

It’s really hard to live life when you aren’t happy or when something is weighing you down. It’s important that we talk about these things and get the proper help when needed.

Dealing with social stress at school can really affect an individual. Bullying and teasing are not effective forms of communication and they need to stop.

Most importantly, we need to feel safe in our environments. We need to feel unafraid and we need to stay away from things and people that make us feel this way.

Reach out, or try one of the resources we’ve provided below. Get the help you need so that you can live a happy, young life.

Helplines & Resources: 

• TeenMentalHealth.org
• KidsHealth - A safe, private place for kids & teens who need honest, accurate information and advice about health, emotions, and life.
• Teen Line - A helpline for kids and teens to work through their personal issues and mental health as needed.  1-800-TLC-TEEN or 1-800-852-8336 (Toll Free US & Canada).
• Mind Infoline – Information on self-harm and a helpline to call in the UK at 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
• Kids Help Phone – Free, anonymous and bilingual helpline for young people in Canada, available 24/7 by phone, Live Chat, and the Always There chat app for any issue, including self-injury and suicide. Call 1-800-668-6868 or visit kidshelpphone.ca.
• Kids Helpline – A helpline for kids and young adults in Australia to get help with issues including cutting and self-harm. Call 1800 55 1800. (Kids Helpline).

Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It?

Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It, and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!

Have Your Say

What is your biggest stress at the moment? What are you doing to improve it? Comment below.