Dear Dish-it: Mom Won't Let Me Shave

Jul 04, 2010

Dear Dish-it,

I am almost 13 and I have neither bras nor do I shave my legs. I know I am ready for them both. I'm too afraid to bring it up with my mom. Whenever I try I chicken out. Do you think it would be a bad idea to start using them both without telling her? How can I make it easier to ask her?

Gettin' older

Shaving My Legs

Dear Gettin' older,

It can be really tough when you know you're ready for things like shaving your legs and wearing a bra, but your mother just doesn't seem to understand. When it comes to wearing a bra, that's probably something you can go ahead and do on your own - you don't necessarily need your mom's permission because you're not doing anything that's changing your body at all by wearing an extra piece of clothing like a bra. But shaving your legs - that might not be something you want to do without her consent. If you do and she gets angry, then it may take a long time to gain her trust again, so you can keep growing up and experiencing new things in a healthy way - with your mom.

Luckily, we’ve got great tips on how to approach the topic of shaving your legs with your mom: what to say, and even how to take it if she says no!

Part 1: The Talk

If you’ve already asked your mom about shaving your legs and she’s said no, don’t bring it up every 5 minutes – she’ll just get frustrated. Instead, sit her down for a full conversation on the subject, and don’t bring it up again for a few months – no matter what the outcome. Here are some ways to talk to her about it so that things come out in your favor!

Listen to Her: Tell your mom you want to start shaving, and acknowledge that she doesn’t approve. Then ask her to explain why. Really pay attention – she might actually have some good reasons.
Explain Yourself: Politely tell her your reasons for wanting to shave. If other girls have made fun of you, or if it’s making you feel so uncomfortable that you won’t even wear shorts in 90-degree weather, she might be more likely to understand.
Be Ready to Compromise: No matter what your mom’s reasons for saying no are, you have to let her know that you were listening, and you’re willing to meet her halfway. Offer a compromise: you’ll only shave below your knees, or you’ll use a hair removal cream instead of shaving (so you don’t run the risk of cutting yourself). Her decision doesn’t have to be all or nothing ... if you chat it out.
Give Her Time: After the two of you have chatted, ask her to think it over before she makes a decision. Decide on a time when she’ll tell you, and (this part may be difficult) don’t ask her about it until then.

Part 1: The Decision

Now comes the (hopefully) good part: your mom will tell you whether or not you’re allowed to shave. If your conversation went well, you both listened to each other, and she understands that your reasons are good she’ll most likely let you. If she does, great! Make sure you include her in the process by asking for tips or a demo. If she says the dreaded “no,” here’s how to handle it.

Accept It: Tell her you understand her decision, and while it isn’t what you wanted, you’ll respect it. That way, you’re showing her how mature you are by not whining.
Try Again: After a month or two, approach the subject again. Make sure your mama knows that it’s a big deal to you and why. It also might help to gently remind her how mature you were about the rejection last time. You may have to repeat this cycle a few times, but be patient! She will eventually say yes.
No Begging or Wining! Remember: If you handle the situation like the mature gal you are, she’ll be more likely to treat you like one.

Sound Off

What would you do if you wanted to do something and your mom said NO? Have your say by leaving a comment below this story!