People face problems of all kinds of nature, on different levels and degrees. Not everyone’s pain falls into a box or can be categorized by a common theme. Sometimes you just have problems and questions and need insight on those matters. Today on Dear-Dish-It’s, “Let’s Talk About it Tuesday” we are going to be looking at questions from kids and teens who are experiencing a variety of different issues. We will be looking at kids and teens who have expressed an urgency in getting help, and whose problems fall under a wide spectrum. Specifically, I will be providing insight on working to build self-esteem among those who express feelings of self-hate and unhappiness.
Let’s Take a Look at This Week’s Questions:
It is important to find the right fit when finding help.
Question by Anonymous
Dear-Dish-It, I need advice on how to handle a certain situation. I just finished 7th grade and during that year I had many problems. Health stuff but close to the end of the year I was getting bullied and it was bad for me. My counselor did nothing about stopping it, and it took several weeks for this problem to get cleared up. Some of my teachers just watched it happen. I want to switch schools for my 8th grade year. To a different school district and a school that I've researched and is a great school. But when I told my mom that I possibly didn't want to go to that school for 8th grade and that I had another school in a completely different district that I want to go to. She just turned me down. I also had bad experiences with some of the teachers. And I just want to be able to feel happy about school again. I need a school that will take care of my problems with the snap of a finger, and that can help me with my high academic needs in school. Please. I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation. Thank you!
P.S. My family is renting still and we were thinking of moving to a different town in Massachusetts anyways. The town I want to go to where the school I want to attend is in Sandwich. Please what do I do?
Insight/Advice:
The most important thing is your happiness and from what it sounds like you are feeling very unhappy about your current school situation. I feel like you expressed your feelings perfectly to me and that you should share them with your parents. If they’ve put you in counseling, they clearly care about your well-being and already know that you are struggling. Sometimes we have to try out a few counselors before we find the right one because it shouldn’t be such a stress on you when you are the one being victimized. All you can do is try to tell your parents what you want and need, but you have to keep in mind that you are still young and have to do what they wish. Have you ever considered looking up good schools in the area they want to move to? Talk to them and try to reach a good conclusion or a healthy compromise because it is important that you feel safe, and if you don’t like your school it is going to take away from your academics and extra activities. I’m sorry you are so frustrated. Everyone wants to be in a place where they belong. If you don’t get your way, do your best to try to make the most of it. Look on the bright side of things and embrace the new opportunity positively. It will really change your experience and also control bias preconceived notions that you might have had about the school. We make assumptions all the time, but we don’t know how something is going to actually be until we experience it. Try to give it a chance, and work towards brainstorming ways on how to make yourself and keep yourself happy.
It's hard when we don't always understand each other.
Question by lala
Am I beautiful?
Insight/Advice:
Dear Dish-It is a firm believer that there is something beautiful about everyone. You might ask, “what makes you beautiful?” Well, it has a lot to do with who you are inside. While Dear-Dish-It can see the good in everyone, she also believes that “if you’re ugly inside, you’re ugly outside.” It doesn’t matter what you look like. No one will want to be your friend if you are not a good person, no matter how good looking you are. It matters who you are and how you treat people. It also matters that you have faith in yourself and the way that you look. Remind yourself that your body is changing and so is your physical appearance, let yourself grow into your beauty. Have confidence in what you look like and try not to compare yourself to others. Don’t define your beauty on male attention. Sometimes guys need development and maturity to approach certain girls, and it is highly possible that the process of asking a girl out is also intimidating for them. The point, nothing that occurs in your life takes away from your beauty. What you need to do is stop asking that question, believe the answer is yes for yourself and exude that to others. Confidence is powerful and it is attractive. You are more likely to be recognized as beautiful when you are being yourself. Though it’s hard with all the teen pressure, it’s always important to remember that intelligence and good qualities will always take you further in life than physical beauty.
Beauty is defined internally by what kind of person you are.
Question by meaner
Dear-Dish-It, my haters get the best of me! I always end up being the one who is in trouble! What should I do?
Insight/Advice:
By haters, do you mean people who bully you? This sounds like a really tough spot to be in, and I am sorry for the agony you have experienced. Firstly, don’t blame yourself. It’s not your fault if you run into some bad luck, but I’m not sure what you mean when you say that you are the one who “is in trouble?” If people are saying rude things to you then why are you getting blamed for it? You need to talk to a grown up or go talk to someone at school. This can’t continue and it sounds like there would be a benefit in hearing your side of the situation. You said this is getting the best of you, how much longer can you tolerate it? You need to get help and protect yourself because your well-being does matter and you deserve to feel happy, safe and secure.
When you are in trouble and it is making you unhappy, you need to ask for help.
Question by Lalalala
I had sex a few days ago, and I'm scared to get pregnant. What should I Do?
Insight/Advice:
Did you have unprotected sex? I would suggest visiting a doctor right away. There are fast-acting pregnancy tests that you can get for results or you can take the morning after pill, though it is likely too late now. Regardless, you should not be going through this alone and should consult a parent. You have to ask yourself why you think this in the first place, and what are the reasons leading you to think this way? If you’ve had unprotected sex you should see your doctor regardless to get tested for STDS. If you are “scared to get pregnant” meaning you plan to keep having sex and don’t want that to be an option. Then, you need to get on a form of birth control as soon as possible and withhold from sexual activity until it kicks it. Follow the instructions, take your pill every day and stay on top of it. If you plan on continuing to have sex with this person, get tested with your partner and ensure it is okay to have unprotected sex in the first place. There are other forms of contraception that you can explore with your doctor, but if you don’t want to get pregnant either use condoms, go on the pill, find a form of contraction or all of the above. There is no such thing as being too safe with this issue. It sounds like you’ve done some thinking and are concerned about the consequences of having sex. In order to protect yourself from pregnancy, you have to take the proper steps to get the rid protection. This might require an uncomfortable discussion with parents, but if they know you are going to do it anyway, I’m fairly certain that they would rather you do it safely.
Sometimes we do something serious without thinking about the consequences.
Afterthoughts
We all have questions we are too scared to ask others about, and I encourage you to keep writing because if it’s in my power, I will address your issue to the best of my ability. As we can see from today, everyone has different problems, but the commonality is that people are unhappy. Sometimes worried, insecure and unsure of themselves. We have to rise above the conflicts in our lives and work hard to accept them. Remember this means you don’t have to like it or love it, but you do have to accept it in order to move forward. If you can’t accept it, you can’t move on, and if you can’t let it go, it will only continue to affect you in a negative way. Working on how we can better our situation is the best thing we can do. It’s excellent to ask for help, but it’s up to us how we chose to see certain situations. We will be given circumstances and we won’t always like them or know what to do with them, but we will find a way to cope, and carry on. We will hopefully allow our hardships to make us stronger and wiser.
Talking it through is often not the best thing.
Life is full of ups and downs and when you are young you don’t always have the power or control over the things that you wished you did, but hang in there. This is only now, it is not forever, and there will be a moment when all of this remains as a thing of the past.
Interested in getting in touch with Dear Dish-It? Simply email deardish@kidzworld.com with your concern, and we will address you on “Let’s Talk about it Tuesday” if your question is suitable for our topic of conversation. Regardless, keep your eyes peeled as Dear Dish-It it is covering a lot of issues, and you never know when your question or topic of concern will be featured in an article. Please let us know if you would like your handle to be listed as anonymous and list your age in your question if you would like as that can impact advice. To learn the Do's and Don'ts of Dear Dish-It and to find out what kind of questions are appropriate, check out this article!
Have Your Say
Do you feel happy in your life? What contributes to your unhappiness?
