Dear Dish-It,
I found out my crush told people that he hates white people just to get a rep and get popular. He wasn’t always like this – he used to be sweet. I thought we had something special – I’m crying right now just thinking about him. I'll never get over him. I just know it. I'm pretty sure I love him. Please tell me what to do. My soul has been crushed.
Heartshaddered
Dear Heartshaddered,
You forgot to mention in your question whether you broke up or stopped liking this guy because he told people he was racist but if that’s the case I have good news for you – you are a much, much better person than he is. Not only that, but you did the right thing and there are good things coming your way in the future.
Racism is no joke. Pretending to be racist to get attention or gain popularity is equally as bad as actually being a racist and having real feelings of hatred toward other people and doing racist acts just because of the color of their skin or the country they were born in or the religion they chose to practice. I am so happy that you are no longer with this person. He is a very confused guy and trust me, nothing good would come out of having any kind of relationship with him. It takes someone very sick to pretend to be something as horrible as a racist. I think your friend needs help or counseling.
As for you, I want you to believe me when I say this: YOU WILL GET OVER HIM. It doesn’t matter if you loved him or not and it doesn’t matter whether he used to be sweet or not and it doesn’t matter if you think you still have feelings for him or not. I know nothing anyone says and none of the normal advice and reassurance your friends and family give you after a break up can make you feel any better – they’re just words, and your feelings go much deeper than that. But you have to have faith and believe in a couple of things: that time will heal all wounds and that better things (including crushes, boyfriends and relationships) are just around the corner.
And, of course, you have to have more faith in yourself. You need to tell yourself over and over again, every time you think about this guy, every time you hear a song that reminds you of him and every time you find yourself crying over him – “I did the right thing. I am a better person for doing the right thing. Racism is wrong, no matter what shape or form it takes. It would have been a terrible disaster and mistake for me to keep being with a person like that. I believe in myself and I love myself. I am a good person and the universe always makes sure that good people get rewarded for their actions. It’s just a matter of being patient and it’s just a matter of time.”
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