Dear Dish-It,
I have a very confusing situation that I hope you can help me with! I’ve been chilling with this guy for about two months now and we always do things that couples do but I have no idea where we stand! Are we dating or just friends? We haven’t had “the talk” yet and I’m scared to bring it up but I really wanna know! If we’re not a couple then I think it’s time for me to move on because I really want to be with someone who wants to be with me and only me. What should I do? Is there a way to tell if he’s my boyfriend without actually having to ask him?
Couple Confused
Dear CC,
I think your thinking on this problem is totally correct. It’s good that you’re not making any assumptions about the status of your relationship with this guy – whether it’s just a friendship or more than that. It also sounds like you’re a girl who knows what she wants and that is really good, and you’ve just reached a point in your mind and in your relationship with this guy where things either need to be defined or they need to end. You know your boundaries and you won’t compromise on them and that shows a really mature and healthy attitude – so keep it up!
As for your dilemma, here’s what I think. Even though you and this guy play couple, he’s not yet your boyfriend. You two just haven’t been able to decide that you want to be exclusive with each other and not see other people, so what you have is not the kind of relationship you seem to be looking for. And that’s fine, if what you’re doing is just taking things slow. The question is, are you OK with taking it this slow?
Here’s what you need to know: relationships don’t follow a set pace or timeline. Every unique relationship you have will develop in its own time. The only thing that can help you tell or decide if a relationship is developing at a “good” pace is your gut. Listen closely to your inner feelings – they’ll let you know what is best for you. Right now it sounds like your gut is telling its time to move things along and, no matter how nervous you are, it seems like you already know there’s only one way to do that. It’s time to have “the talk.”
In fact, “the talk” shouldn’t scare you, especially since it sounds like you’re a mature and confident girl who knows what she wants. If anything, the talk will give you the answers you are looking for, as well as the facts you need in order to decide whether you want to stay in a “relationship” with this guy or move on to something that will ultimately be better for you and make you much happier and more secure in your feelings. So rather than being scared or nervous to have “the talk,” think of it as a research project that will reveal some very important answers to your questions. The only rule you need to follow going in to it is this one: never, ever initiate this important conversation if you’re not willing to deal with and accept whatever outcome it brings. That is, if you’re not willing to deal with and accept the fact his answer could be “No, we’re not in a relationship and you’re not my girlfriend,” then you are not ready to have “the talk.” You should approach this simply as if you are looking for an answer, whether it’s yes or no. Either way, you will use the information you get to make your decision about your next move.
That’s it. The bottom line is, if you’re ready and want to know where your relationship stands, you have only one choice and that is to ask. Just make sure you’re not buckling under the pressures of society or your friends in terms of thinking that two months is enough to be in a casual relationship and that it needs to become something more serious right now. Take a moment to think about this: if casual is working for you two at the moment, why change it just because a romantic movie or your friends’ relationship says it’s not right or normal? Like I said before, when it comes to love, nothing is set in stone. You have to move at your own speed, listen to your heart, and just let things run their natural course.
So, ya gotta burnin' question? Need some love directions? Thinkin' 'bout stuff like depression, sex,how ya feel 'bout YOURSELF (that's called "self-esteem"), boyfriends, girlfriends, losin' old friends, bullyin' or peer pressure, but too scared to ask the parents? Don't be scared to Dish-It here. Send all of your questions to deardish@kidzworld.com But 'member, if ya hang out in Chat with other Kidzworld members who know ya by your 'username', ya might wanna use a secret nickname when ya write in. That way no one'll ever know it's you. And, just in case ya don't know, Dish-It gets a lotta letters everyday, and she can't answer 'em all. So keep checkin' the column cuz she's prob'ly answerin' somethin' very similar to your question while you're out doin' somethin' else. K? And Thanks! Ya keep her outta trouble. Oh! And if ya've got words of wisdom you wanna share,We'll dish 'em up, too.
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